GREEN BUSINESS VIEWS

Joe’s Toxic Waste Service is proud to announce that they have earned their Green certification, despite the fact that they are one of the worst polluters in their state.  Joe’s Toxic Waste is a clandestine and unethical service that has found numerous ways to skirt to law, dump toxins in the dead of night along roadways, and deposit liquid waste into waterways.

As Joe’s reports, “The company has a real image problem.  We perform a service for a fee just like any other business, and frankly there just isn’t anyone out there willing to do what we do.  You have to ask yourself, do companies want to pay the fees required to properly dispose of toxic waste, or to have my service get rid of it for half the price?”

It was an uphill battle to put a better face on the business.  Joe tried the reputable Green programs like Green Seal, LEED, Green Business League, and ISO; but he was quickly shown the door and told never to return.  There was absolutely no way that this company could pass the review process.  Besides, these companies were more interested in their reputations than they were the collection of a fee.

Joe was, nonetheless, determined to get a Green certification for his company.  Unfortunately, he wasn’t that willing to change the company’s processes.  Certainly, there was an easier way to Go Green and have some company that would accept him without any serious requirements.  Honestly, Joe knew that his company wasn’t Green, but wouldn’t it improve his image to have a Green business certification?

Joe searched the Internet looking for a company that would certify his toxic waste service.  To his great joy, he found several website companies that were offering Green business certifications without even visiting his workplace.  Reading through the website, Joe saw that it really came down to paying a fee and filling in forms.  This was like a welcome mat for any company to greenwash their business without any scrutiny.  Joe knew it was wrong, but why else would these websites leave the door wide open?  All they wanted was money, and they would give him what he wanted.

So, Joe signed up with a handsomely-designed website and paid the fees via credit card.  No one called, and all he got was an automated welcome letter praising his extraordinary commitment to Green and his wisdom for choosing their website.  More than that, he was invited to take his company to even higher levels of certification by filling in a series of online assessments.  Again, no one would call on the business.  All that was needed was the completion of some questionnaires deceptively called audit forms.

It was here that Joe’s assumptions were confirmed.  These online certifications were frankly as bogus Green as his own company.  Joe filled in the forms and lied as necessary.  After all, everyone by this point knows the game.  Lies were not encouraged, but the were not questioned either.  So, Joe’s Toxic Waste Service earned the gold certification as a certified Green business.

Over time, hundreds of other businesses also bought into the same phony website certifications as Joe, but they were foolish enough to think that these websites were reputable, credible, and were not just a money collection scheme.  Eventually, a curious investigative reporter checked out the curious fact that Joe’s Toxic Waste company was Green certified.  His investigation become a local and then nationwide explosive expose of these Green website certifications.

Other customers of these Green websites were slammed with unkind reporter calls, upset customers, and an inability to get through to the Green certification provider.  In fact, the website was suddenly “Under Repair,” and rumors of a government investigation sloshed about on the Internet.  Business owners were frantically demanding that their programmers “Remove the Damn Logo!”  Workers were sent to scratch off the logos once proudly displayed, and all advertisement with the now defamed logo were quickly trashed.  The ugly backlash of customers who read of the incriminating articles made matters even worse.

Yes, this story is a spoof to illustrate the hazards of making a bad choice when considering a Green certification.

This is why LEED, Green Business League, and ISO require verification by live audits.  It is literally impossible for an embarrassing membership to be approved.  The Green Business League has more than 350 Certified Green Consultants and requires that every Green business certification be the result of an audit review by a professional Green consultant.  The nightmare of a business embarrassment cannot happen when there is an independently, audited review by a Certified Green Consultant.

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